||[Aug. 6th, 2005|04:16 pm]
trip the light quixotic
I've got about a week left in Edinboro. Maybe less. My lease says I need to be out by Wednesday, but I think the landlord and I both know that's not happening. I've got class till 8:15 that night. I want to extend it until that Sunday, but I don't know if that's possible.
Where do we go from here?
Part of me already longs for this place and good times from years past. I want my innocence back. No, I don't. I like who I am, but I liked her too. Everything's so jumbled.
I AM excited to go back to Pittsburgh. I want to experience a new Pittsburgh this time. When I lived there I had two different worlds. One was of typical high schooldom: malls, movies, mini-golf. I never really felt comfortable there. So I had my theatre friends. Rocky Horror, coffee shops, plays. I need these things again. I knew where everything in and around Pittsburgh was because they were all from different places, none of which was my high school. I love my high school friends, but I've outgrown them and their interests. They were never truly who I am.
I've already begun to find my old artsy counterparts via myspace, thank God. One of them sent me a messaged signed "your long lost sister." She has no idea. I need to hang out with her again. And Anth. And whoever else...I'll find new people through these people. It's all a network. I need these people because they remind me that it's important to dream, and even more important to never settle. I have to get there. I have a dream to achieve. This is why Kritty needs to visit. This is why I need to go and see Diana. They are these people.
My high school friends are either happy to stay put or all talk and no action. I just can't have it. It sounds like I'm "breaking up" with them. I'm not. They're still my friends, but my soul is leading me elsewhere.
Can you sense the utter desperation? It's just dripping off the screen.
I think Edinboro is to blame. It's so weird, but I had all the artsy I needed while no where near a city. Art majors, music majors, theatre majors, Mason (who encompasses all...). Life without Mason in close proximity is going to suck. Just plain suck. He's the only person on this earth who 100% gets me. However, that's not to say there won't be others out there who are able. I just need to find them.
(Sarah, it occured to me post-script that you might think I was talking about you. Well, I'm not. Although you are a friend and from high school, you are a writer, you are a dreamer. You have a passion for something, and that's what I'm looking for.)